Jokes

1.  I guess we just have to get used to roughing it.
2.  Basic training has a way of making a soldier feel that he or she is being worked like a dog. Now I have proof. While on KP duty at Fort Leonard Wood in Missouri, I was hauling containers of vegetables. On the side of one box was this: “FOR ANIMAL OR MILITARY USE ONLY.”
3. Tiring of the same old buzz cut from the base barber at Fort Dix, New Jersey, I went into town to get my haircut. The hairdresser noticed my accent and asked where I was from. “Trinidad,” I said. “Is that in Arabia?” “The Caribbean.” She laughed, “I never was good at geometry.”
4.  I was waiting for a flight to Texas along with four servicemen in desert camouflage uniforms. Over the top pocket of their uniform shirts was the branch of the military in which they served, followed by their last names. They were U.S. Navy, Ramirez, U.S. Army, Larkin and U.S. Army, O’Brien. The fourth man wasn’t a soldier. Above his shirt pocket it read, “D.O.D. Civilian, Coward.”
5.  Fifteen years of blissful civilian life ended when I re-upped with the Air National Guard recently. It took time getting back into the swing of things, and after a particularly rough day I missed chow, which meant dinner would be a dreaded MRE: Meal Ready to Eat. As I sat on my bunk staring at “dinner,” I said to a far younger airman, “Well, I guess we just have to get used to roughing it.” “Dude, tell me about it,” he said. “We only get basic cable!”
6. Traveling through Spain, my friend Amy and I soaked in the culture, gorged ourselves on excellent food and, basically, indulged our every whim. One day, we walked into a shop that had the most gorgeous coats. As we tried a few on, we noticed the odd looks we were getting from the shopkeepers. We didn’t know why, until one kind Englishspeaking patron took pity on us. “Excuse me,” she said. “This is a dry cleaners.”
7.  Applicants for jobs at the company where my friend Diana works are asked to fill out a questionnaire. Among the things candidates list is their high school and when they attended. One prospective employee dutifully wrote the name of his high school, followed by the dates attended: “Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,Thursday and Friday.”